Twas the night before....

We are checked in, packed, and ready to go. It's 11pm the night before we leave to go pick up Leo, our son. This is happening! There is a deep contentment in me tonight rather than excitement or nervousness. It's pretty cool to feel so good about all this.

We texted with Leo's foster family this morning and were lifted with their kind words. They told us that Leo is excited and they are ready and waiting for us.

This journey began when we saw our son's face and decided to move forward with adopting him. We weren't thinking about adopting at the time, but we felt so deeply connected to him. It was unmistakable that he was supposed to be our kid.

That was January 28, 2015. Now, 16 months later, we are finally going to bring him home!

Waiting, waiting, and still more waiting

It's been quite a while since we've had any significant or positive news to share. It was easy to believe that the time leading up to our first visit, when we would first meet our new son, would be the most difficult. That stage was filled with uncertainty, but we had things to do, tasks to fulfill, and so our restlessness and animosity were occasionally quieted. Kate is wholly credited with these victorious moments, I reaped the benefits but did very little to earn them.

Looking back, that stage was far easier than the one we find ourselves in now. We didn't dare to hope that our meeting would go as well as it did. We bonded with our new son so quickly and so deeply that's it'd be scary if we didn't have some grounding in faith. Faith that this boy is, and has always been, a part of our family. So, what's the problem? That's terrific, even miraculous news. It really is, and nothing I share is meant to diminish that in any way. In fact, given that, our current struggles are predicfable, they're almost cause and effect. How does someone leave their child in another country, with an open-ended and completely ambiguous time frame for reunion? How, as a parent, do you sleep soundly at night with the knowledge that your son is a few thousand miles away, when distance is only one of the many barriers keeping you apart?

To make matters worse, we've suffered a two month set back due to some mishandling of vital paperwork by our adoption agency. That's two months we can't ever get back and it's really hard to let that go. Adopting isn't cheap, both financially and emotionally. The agency you charge with this responsibility doesn't take either lightly. In our case, they are some of the most kind and loving people we have ever met. And aside from this snafu, they've handled our case flawlessly. How can we stay be mad at someone just for being human, for making an honest mistake? Until very recently, I've struggled with that question, waffling back and forth between superficial forgiveness and deep seeded anger. Today, on Easter of all days, I've come to a different conclusion that has allowed me to direct my frustration elsewhere. Throughout this most recent ordeal, we've maintained that, while we don't appreciate the timing, we believe that it is and will be perfect. That means that the delay is not the fault of our adoption agency at all. It's not even an accident. Human error may have been the catalyst, but our son isn't home because it isn't time yet. Maybe we aren't really ready. Maybe our family needed this extra time to become accustomed to the idea of a new family member living among us. Maybe he needs the extra time to get used to the idea that he'll be leaving everything he's ever known for something uncertain. It could be all of these things or none of them, but it isn't remotely because of a clerical error, not really.

So, we video chat, text bad and broken translations, and send emojis back and forth with our new son when time zones and schedules allow. It's not perfect, but it's something to be thankful for. When we are finally reunited, it will be for good. It will change our lives forever, like any child does, and it will be glorious and transformational. I'm hopeful that his life will be enriched as much or more than ours. I know we'll love him like he was born to us.

Happy Easter L. We love you, miss you, and we anxiously await your arrival.

last day....

The night before our last day with L was challenging. We were restless, sad, anxious, and tired. We had to go in the morning to sign papers saying indeed we wanted L and were continuing with the adoption. We verified his name, which we had decided on ahead of time with L's help, and then had time to explore a little in Sofia before they could take us down to our boy.

The waiting was tough. We just wanted to be with him. I had expectations, but I wasn't sure what they were. I don't think any scenario where we had leave him would have been ok. We finally were on our way down to see him, and thankfully were distracted by one of the awesome staff from Vesta on the drive down. We chatted and played games on our phones and tried to keep our mind off what we had to do. My stomach was a different story, there was no distracting it from the anxiousness that was churning inside.

We got to the social worker's office and the plan was set for the day to go to a restaurant and have lunch. We would go to the local field after to play until we had to leave. I was grabbed by V and told that I was walking with her to lunch, while the rest would drive in the car. I had a moment of almost being rude and refusing, but pulled myself together to walk with her. The inside of my heart was screaming that this woman was taking precious time away from spending with my son! I gave Dan a look and he knew that I didn't like it and also that I really didn't have a choice. He fortified me with a nod that gave me some comfort and off we went.

She held my arm and stroked my hand and spoke to me in Bulgarian that I didn't understand. I probably could have tried to figure out what she was saying, but I wasn't in a good place. It was so hard to keep it together when all I wanted was to be with my family! Finally, through me shouting inside my head, I found peace and calm. I was reminded that this woman was giving me a gift and she was probably feeling all sorts of difficult things, but instead of shying away from it, she was diving into it. I started to explain to her in broken Bulgarian how I felt. I told her "nie dobre dovishdine L" (not good goodbye L). She held my arm tighter and comforted me.

We finally made it to the restaurant and settled in for food I didn't taste. We set up L's tablet with email, a chat program, and skype so we could communicate with him when we wanted to. My stomach and heart were churning and I was wasting my time with him feeling crappy! I had to pull it together.

We decided to go back to the field to run around and play soccer. The sick feeling didn't leave me, but I was able to play. Every time L wanted to stop to cuddle, we would. The time was getting shorter and shorter and I could barely keep lunch from coming up.

We drove back to V's house and the translator started to help us say goodbye. I don't remember much of what was said. We solidified how much we loved him and told him we'd be back as soon as we were allowed to be. We held him. We left. It was unimaginable.

Dan and I allowed ourselves a few minutes to break and then we had to pull ourselves together for J and B. We comforted them, talked about what life was going to be like with a new family member and at the end of the drive back to Sofia, we were ready to focus not on the loss we were feeling, but on the joy of preparing our home and our lives for our son. 

A Day at "Home"

On Thursday, we were invited to V and L's home so that she could show us how to cook a typical Bulgarian dish. We were excited to learn how to make a favorite of L's and have some time to spend with him. We went to the social worker's office first to meet the director, so she could gather her impressions of us.

When L showed up, he proudly handed us a family picture he had drawn for us. It was one of the most beautiful drawings I've ever seen. Not because he's a talented artist, but because he drew us all together, labeling Dan and I "dad" and "mom". He labeled the picture "The D'Orazio Family". It was beautiful that he already counted us as his family.

We went back to V's house and sat while she served us the best coffee that was a gift from her son from Milan. She served the kids hot chocolate that we had given her as a gift. This beautiful woman was serving us the best of everything in her own house! I tried to help her as much as she would let me, but she was insistent on being the hostess and us being rested and comfortable.

We sat with the social worker and translator while the kids played outside. This was such a significant conversation. We spoke about how appreciative we are that L is being taken care of so lovingly and how grateful we are that he would continue to be in their care until we could bring him home. They shared with us some of his struggles and some of his victories. They shared his heart with us and theirs. It was incredibly emotional. These women were giving us the best gift already, and still they gave us more.

The feast that followed was easily one of the best meals I've ever had. V opened her storeroom and brought out preserved vegetables and fruits that she was storing for winter. She did not hold back, offering us a taste of all of her stores. She even gave us a liter bottle of homemade wine! We were brought to the kitchen where she showed us how to make banitsa, a pastry made with filo, eggs, cheese, and yogurt. It was crazy how easy it was to make and she had me and B rolling up the filo and putting it in the pan by the end of the lesson. This gracious woman is also a brilliant teacher! We ate everything she put out and wanted more even though we couldn't possibly have fit anything else in our satisfied bellies.

She wouldn't hear of us helping to clean, and instead we were shooed out to the front patio to play a game ("bounce off") with the kids. We played while V and a friend cleaned up and then headed to the local field to play soccer and frisbee. This time at the end of our days was some of the best time. L seemed so happy and safe with us. He was affectionate and playful, opening himself up to us and letting us love him. A couple of times, he would tackle me to the ground just so we could lay together. I would stroke his hair and tell him I loved him over and over, and he just kept smiling and giggling and kissing my cheek. Such a precious boy!

City Day

On Wednesday we picked up L and V and came back to Sofia for the day. L had to get his picture taken for his visa in the city.

We went to a Turkish restaurant after the picture and then played at the park with a soccer ball and frisbee.

These were some of the best times we had with him. No program, no translation, just bonding through play. We were able to be physical with all the kids and joke around, while still showing them love.

After playing at the park, we went bowling. Our first 3 child challenge presented itself. B was wiped out and not feeling well and L was full of energy from being in the car for so long that morning. We had to figure out how to balance 3 kids with different needs between the 2 of us. We didn't excel at it, but we did ok.

V's son was in town and was able to drive her and L back to their town for the night. As much as we wanted that extra hour with him, we knew him going back was best for him, J and B. It's tough making good choices for 3 very different kids!

Rila Monestary

The next day we decided to do some sight-seeing with everyone. It was us, L, his foster mom, and our translator. We went up to Rila Monestary.

On the drive there, L was getting car sick. We stopped a couple times to get him some air, then decided to move him to the middle row with me instead of the back.

He immediately snuggled up to me! It was such a beautiful moment! He kept looking at me and smiling so big. I held him, kissing his head every few minutes and soaking up the snuggle time!

I was touched by how safe and comfortable he seemed to be with me so quickly. He's so wonderfully affectionate!

We are so blessed by V, his foster mother. She is one of the best people I have ever met. She has prepared L for this the whole 4 years she has had him. She is grateful that he is being adopted and so gracious with us. It's like a dream!

She encourages our relationships at every turn, reminding him that we are mom and dad and that J and B are his brother and sister! She's truly a beautiful and gracious woman.

L becomes our kiddo

After we met, we walked across the river to a cafe. We gave L his gifts and explained them to him. We flipped through the photo album we made him and introduced him to our family.

After a few minutes of that, we asked L what kinds of things he liked and Minecraft came up. Immediately J and L started bonding over video games and YouTube! They were giggling and sharing time like they were old friends.

We talked with the help of the translator for a while and saw how well everything was going. It was amazing! He seemed to want us as much as we wanted him!

After a couple hours of talking, Dan and I decided it was already time to ask him the question we had been thinking about for months. Dan beautifully told L in Bulgarian that he is precious to us, and said that we want him to be our son and brother. He then asked if L wanted to be a part of our family. L answered yes right away! He asked when he could come home!

We spent the rest of the day together testing our relationship and then had to head back to Sofia. What an amazing day! We never expected the connection to be so sure!