When I was younger, I didn't think
adoption would ever be for me. I wanted to have children of my own,
but I didn't particularly like other people's kids. I babysat for one
family that I loved, but I never connected with other kids besides
them.
Dan and I got married and pregnant a
month later. It was so easy, we didn't even try. A year after our son
was born, we were surprised with another pregnancy. We made the
choice to not have any more kids after our daughter was born, so we
took measures to make that choice permanent.
Dan had talked before about his dream
to be a foster family and to one day adopt one or more kids. I didn't
share that dream before, so we never spoke about it much. Then, we
started working with middle schoolers at our church. I connected with
so many of them instantly. It surprised me. I could understand the
unfairness of their stage in life and relate to them as a friend, but
also as an adult who cared about them. I started to see the
possibility of Dan's dream coming true.
My sister had her first child, a son, a
few years later. I fell in love instantly. I became a baby hog and it
didn't just stop with him. I wanted to hold everyone's babies. All my
friends would bring their kids over while they would spend time with
me, and I would spend more time with their kids than them! I liked
other kids and it came out of nowhere.
Unfortunately, I hit my head and ended
up with a concussion that wouldn't heal. Thoughts of fostering and
adopting went out the window. We focused on how to get me better and
manage the life we had. I saw many different doctors, all with none
to minimal progress. Every day I struggled with headaches, nausea,
fatigue, balance issues, and some cognitive loss. The only marked
improvement I had was after a surgery to replace a disk in my neck,
and that was only about a 10% improvement.
We had visited Denver, CO for a
friend's wedding and became close with the couple. They had their
daughter a few years later and we visited again to meet her. We not
only fell in love with her, but left Denver feeling like we were
supposed to live there for some reason.
A few months later, we moved in with
Dan's parents and began the 6 month home renovation that would be
necessary for us to sell. We pulled our kids out of school and began
homeschooling so that we wouldn't have to switch schools mid-year. We
searched for houses online and found one that seemed nice and was in
our price range, so we bought it. We completed the renovation, Dan
found a job in Denver and we moved only a year after we decided to!
We settled into our new home a few
weeks after moving to Denver and staying with our friends who so
graciously put us up. The house was great, the neighborhood was
perfect, and we were pretty happy right away. I found a new type of
treatment to try that was only available in the area and began to
work on my brain injury again. The neuropsychology treatments seemed
to be giving me improvement, but they really were just helping me
manage my concussion symptoms rather than fixing them.
After 6 months of treatments, I decided
to search for something new. I typed “concussion” and
“neurologist” into google and called the first place that came
up. It was Integrated Health Systems, with Dr. Shane Steadman. It was
described as Chiropractic Neurology or Functional Neurology. I hadn't
heard about it before, but after 5 years of concussion symptoms I was
ready to try something new. They use combination of nutrition,
chiropractic adjustments, and brain based therapy exercises to
rehabilitate areas of the brain that aren't functioning properly.
After the first visit, I had more hope than ever before.
I started seeing them in July 2014 and
by February 2015 I was 70% improved. I was told by Dr. Steadman that
my outer cerebellum was rehabilitated and that I just had to work to
fine tune my midline cerebellum and frontal lobe. I still had
fatigue, but he thought it was related to my adrenal glands and not
the brain injury. I'm still undergoing testing on that. I am now
going once a month to check on my therapy exercises, get chiropractic
adjustments, and maintain my progress.
The day before I got this great news, a
sad day was spent with my now 12 year old son, Joe. We had been
living in Denver for a year and a half and he missed being back home.
He had trouble expressing the problem he was having, but we finally
got out of him that he saw us all making great connections here and
that he wasn't. He has a great friend back home, but has not made any
real lasting friendships here. We talked about him trying some new
activities and getting more involved and really just listened. He
felt better and we prepared to work on helping him find good
connections.
The day after my great news at the
doctor, I met with my very good friend, Jen. She and her husband Matt
had been looking at adopting again. They have one birth daughter and
a second adopted daughter. She found this 12 year old boy from
Bulgaria: “Luke” who needed a home. She didn't think he was
right for their family, because of having younger daughters, but she
couldn't get him out of her head. She shared this with me, and I
encouraged her own feelings, thinking he wasn't right for her family.
Dan and I had always said if we were going to foster, the child would
have to be younger than our daughter, Bella.
Later that day, Jen sent me a picture
of “Luke” and his bio, telling me that she still couldn't shake
him. I forwarded the picture to Dan with one line “How about us?”
Dan knew what it was about and didn't open the email. I spoke with
Dan and the kids about him again at dinner that evening and showed
the kids a picture of “Luke”. Joe leaned over and showed it to
Dan, and that's when it started. Dan was done for after seeing his
picture. On the way to church we signed up on the adoption site,
registering so that we could inquire about him.
Church was filled with worship, and
feelings I had never felt stirred inside me. This is my son! Why is
he all the way in Bulgaria! He should be here with us tonight! I want
him, I don't want anyone else to have him! I imagined how he would
fit in to our lives and how we would all love him. On the way home
from church it was decided verbally. We would move forward with
trying to adopt “Luke”.
We filled out the application and heard
back the next day. We are waiting now to see if he is still
available. If he is, it will be a 1-2 year process that will be
expensive and exhaustive, but at the end of it, we will bring our son
home.
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