last day....

The night before our last day with L was challenging. We were restless, sad, anxious, and tired. We had to go in the morning to sign papers saying indeed we wanted L and were continuing with the adoption. We verified his name, which we had decided on ahead of time with L's help, and then had time to explore a little in Sofia before they could take us down to our boy.

The waiting was tough. We just wanted to be with him. I had expectations, but I wasn't sure what they were. I don't think any scenario where we had leave him would have been ok. We finally were on our way down to see him, and thankfully were distracted by one of the awesome staff from Vesta on the drive down. We chatted and played games on our phones and tried to keep our mind off what we had to do. My stomach was a different story, there was no distracting it from the anxiousness that was churning inside.

We got to the social worker's office and the plan was set for the day to go to a restaurant and have lunch. We would go to the local field after to play until we had to leave. I was grabbed by V and told that I was walking with her to lunch, while the rest would drive in the car. I had a moment of almost being rude and refusing, but pulled myself together to walk with her. The inside of my heart was screaming that this woman was taking precious time away from spending with my son! I gave Dan a look and he knew that I didn't like it and also that I really didn't have a choice. He fortified me with a nod that gave me some comfort and off we went.

She held my arm and stroked my hand and spoke to me in Bulgarian that I didn't understand. I probably could have tried to figure out what she was saying, but I wasn't in a good place. It was so hard to keep it together when all I wanted was to be with my family! Finally, through me shouting inside my head, I found peace and calm. I was reminded that this woman was giving me a gift and she was probably feeling all sorts of difficult things, but instead of shying away from it, she was diving into it. I started to explain to her in broken Bulgarian how I felt. I told her "nie dobre dovishdine L" (not good goodbye L). She held my arm tighter and comforted me.

We finally made it to the restaurant and settled in for food I didn't taste. We set up L's tablet with email, a chat program, and skype so we could communicate with him when we wanted to. My stomach and heart were churning and I was wasting my time with him feeling crappy! I had to pull it together.

We decided to go back to the field to run around and play soccer. The sick feeling didn't leave me, but I was able to play. Every time L wanted to stop to cuddle, we would. The time was getting shorter and shorter and I could barely keep lunch from coming up.

We drove back to V's house and the translator started to help us say goodbye. I don't remember much of what was said. We solidified how much we loved him and told him we'd be back as soon as we were allowed to be. We held him. We left. It was unimaginable.

Dan and I allowed ourselves a few minutes to break and then we had to pull ourselves together for J and B. We comforted them, talked about what life was going to be like with a new family member and at the end of the drive back to Sofia, we were ready to focus not on the loss we were feeling, but on the joy of preparing our home and our lives for our son. 

A Day at "Home"

On Thursday, we were invited to V and L's home so that she could show us how to cook a typical Bulgarian dish. We were excited to learn how to make a favorite of L's and have some time to spend with him. We went to the social worker's office first to meet the director, so she could gather her impressions of us.

When L showed up, he proudly handed us a family picture he had drawn for us. It was one of the most beautiful drawings I've ever seen. Not because he's a talented artist, but because he drew us all together, labeling Dan and I "dad" and "mom". He labeled the picture "The D'Orazio Family". It was beautiful that he already counted us as his family.

We went back to V's house and sat while she served us the best coffee that was a gift from her son from Milan. She served the kids hot chocolate that we had given her as a gift. This beautiful woman was serving us the best of everything in her own house! I tried to help her as much as she would let me, but she was insistent on being the hostess and us being rested and comfortable.

We sat with the social worker and translator while the kids played outside. This was such a significant conversation. We spoke about how appreciative we are that L is being taken care of so lovingly and how grateful we are that he would continue to be in their care until we could bring him home. They shared with us some of his struggles and some of his victories. They shared his heart with us and theirs. It was incredibly emotional. These women were giving us the best gift already, and still they gave us more.

The feast that followed was easily one of the best meals I've ever had. V opened her storeroom and brought out preserved vegetables and fruits that she was storing for winter. She did not hold back, offering us a taste of all of her stores. She even gave us a liter bottle of homemade wine! We were brought to the kitchen where she showed us how to make banitsa, a pastry made with filo, eggs, cheese, and yogurt. It was crazy how easy it was to make and she had me and B rolling up the filo and putting it in the pan by the end of the lesson. This gracious woman is also a brilliant teacher! We ate everything she put out and wanted more even though we couldn't possibly have fit anything else in our satisfied bellies.

She wouldn't hear of us helping to clean, and instead we were shooed out to the front patio to play a game ("bounce off") with the kids. We played while V and a friend cleaned up and then headed to the local field to play soccer and frisbee. This time at the end of our days was some of the best time. L seemed so happy and safe with us. He was affectionate and playful, opening himself up to us and letting us love him. A couple of times, he would tackle me to the ground just so we could lay together. I would stroke his hair and tell him I loved him over and over, and he just kept smiling and giggling and kissing my cheek. Such a precious boy!

City Day

On Wednesday we picked up L and V and came back to Sofia for the day. L had to get his picture taken for his visa in the city.

We went to a Turkish restaurant after the picture and then played at the park with a soccer ball and frisbee.

These were some of the best times we had with him. No program, no translation, just bonding through play. We were able to be physical with all the kids and joke around, while still showing them love.

After playing at the park, we went bowling. Our first 3 child challenge presented itself. B was wiped out and not feeling well and L was full of energy from being in the car for so long that morning. We had to figure out how to balance 3 kids with different needs between the 2 of us. We didn't excel at it, but we did ok.

V's son was in town and was able to drive her and L back to their town for the night. As much as we wanted that extra hour with him, we knew him going back was best for him, J and B. It's tough making good choices for 3 very different kids!

Rila Monestary

The next day we decided to do some sight-seeing with everyone. It was us, L, his foster mom, and our translator. We went up to Rila Monestary.

On the drive there, L was getting car sick. We stopped a couple times to get him some air, then decided to move him to the middle row with me instead of the back.

He immediately snuggled up to me! It was such a beautiful moment! He kept looking at me and smiling so big. I held him, kissing his head every few minutes and soaking up the snuggle time!

I was touched by how safe and comfortable he seemed to be with me so quickly. He's so wonderfully affectionate!

We are so blessed by V, his foster mother. She is one of the best people I have ever met. She has prepared L for this the whole 4 years she has had him. She is grateful that he is being adopted and so gracious with us. It's like a dream!

She encourages our relationships at every turn, reminding him that we are mom and dad and that J and B are his brother and sister! She's truly a beautiful and gracious woman.

L becomes our kiddo

After we met, we walked across the river to a cafe. We gave L his gifts and explained them to him. We flipped through the photo album we made him and introduced him to our family.

After a few minutes of that, we asked L what kinds of things he liked and Minecraft came up. Immediately J and L started bonding over video games and YouTube! They were giggling and sharing time like they were old friends.

We talked with the help of the translator for a while and saw how well everything was going. It was amazing! He seemed to want us as much as we wanted him!

After a couple hours of talking, Dan and I decided it was already time to ask him the question we had been thinking about for months. Dan beautifully told L in Bulgarian that he is precious to us, and said that we want him to be our son and brother. He then asked if L wanted to be a part of our family. L answered yes right away! He asked when he could come home!

We spent the rest of the day together testing our relationship and then had to head back to Sofia. What an amazing day! We never expected the connection to be so sure!

Meeting our son

It was a whirlwind adventure meeting our boy. We walked into the social worker's office in his town and waited. Our stomachs were twisting anxiously. We exchanged pleasantries through the translator and waited.

We heard footsteps outside the door walking quickly. In walked a beautiful site. The boy we had seen limited pictures of, read limited information on, dreamed of, and imagined the possibilities of was standing in front of us.

He was visibly shaking and mirrored the anxiety we showed on our face. He was introduced to us and gave us nervous embraces. He called me "mom".

Dan introduced us beautifully, using Bulgarian words for wife, daughter, and son. That did it for me. My eyes welled up and I was lost to a whole new love.

I was already so happy, so satisfied with life. I didn't realize my heart could grow to accommodate a whole other person! This beautiful boy became my son in a matter of seconds. Any doubt I didn't know I had was erased.

Plovdiv

We drove 2 hours to Plovdiv today which is on of the oldest cities in the world. It was so different from anything I've ever seen!

We drove around the city until we found a place to eat lunch. It was delicious and we were able to continue practicing out Bulgarian. We're getting better every time we try! Dan especially.

We found Old Town Plovdiv and walked the cobblestone streets after the adventure of driving down them and parking!

There was a beautiful monastery and a church and then the Ancient Roman Theatre built around 100 AD. It was breathtaking! We were able to walk all around it and explore, climb the stairs, and take lots of pictures. By the time we were finished, the sun was setting and we had to head back to the hotel.

Not having GPS led us to our first real challenge since we got here: me leading us an hour away in the wrong direction!! We finally saw signs for one of the coastal cities that Dan recognized and turned back. Thankfully we made it back to the hotel, just a little later than we expected.

We had a nice dinner at our hotel and we are hitting the sack early tonight! What an amazing day! What an amazing country!

Exploring Bulgaria

We have had an amazing time here so far! We have a fantastic hotel. The staff is super friendly, the rooms are really nice, and the food is amazing!

We are starting every morning with our complementary breakfast buffet or meats, cheeses, veggies, fruit, eggs, pastries and the most incredible yogurt!

Yesterday we explored Sofia after napping most of the late morning/early afternoon. We saw beautiful churches, architecture, and parks. We walked a couple miles from our hotel to see one of the coolest cathedrals I've ever seen.

We walked back towards our hotel after and stopped in a cafe for dinner. We had such yummy food and chances to practice our Bulgarian. We were rewarded with smiles and laughter. They were happy we were trying. One waiter answered my влагодаря (thank you) in Bulgarian and then proceeded to continue on talking to me. I had to confess that i didn't speak it and just blurted out "english!" Super embarrassing!

We went back to the room, played some cards and passed out. I think we all woke up this morning almost fully adjusted to the time change.

Day 2

Wow! What a long long day! We started in Chicago this morning with a tasty breakfast buffet. We had a nice ride to the airport and friendly staff checking us in. We got to hang at the USO until our flight, and then we were off to Atlanta.

We had a nice layover in the international terminal in Atlanta, and then we hit the long flight to Amsterdam. It was 7 hrs and we had movies, tv, games, dinner, and breakfast! It was a great flight!

We got into Amsterdam early and had to wait 4 hours for our next flight! We started to unravel a little as we were nearing the end of our endurance limits.

We all got excited when the Bulgarian Air plane showed up! The flight was a quick 2 1/2 hours and then we were here! It felt incredible to see this beautiful country from above and land here knowing our purpose.

We went through customs and were met by our adoption agency here. They were very nice and it felt great to be met here by someone!

We rented a car.... What an adventure! We had directions, but quickly learned that there weren't any street signs! The gps on my phone picked up just in time and we were back on track. We made it to our hotel despite the lack of signs and crazy drivers.

We are showered and about to get some room service, then we will sleep until hopefully tomorrow morning!

Thank you for all your love and support! If you are looking to pray specifically it would be Joe's stomach and for all of us to get used to the time change quickly.

We hope to do some tourist things until Monday when we meet our kiddo!

❤❤❤❤❤

In Chicago

It's been a great first day of travel, and a short one! We are settled into our hotel and getting ready for sleep.

We had a good friend take us to the airport and had a great meal at Root Down DIA.

The flight was smooth and there was a lady sitting behind us who spoke a little Bulgarian! She corrected Joe's pronunciation of "dopir dulu" or "touchdown"!

We have a 10:30am flight to Atlanta in the morning. Thanks everyone for your prayers, love, and support!

50's and sunny in Bulgaria next week!

I can't believe we are at the point where I am checking the weather and deciding what to pack! We leave for Bulgaria in 4 days! It's truly a different feeling than any other trip I've taken. I can't believe we are finally going to meet our son!

We have had the joy of shopping for him for the first time. It's such an indescribable feeling. Dan and I were in the mall and we decided to buy him a Colorado t-shirt to bring with us. As we were making our purchase I was overcome with tears of joy that we could finally buy our son something! It made things so tangible. I look over at the small pile of things we will bring for him and feel like it's not enough, but I know that nothing will be enough until we have him home.

We leave November 10th to start our journey to Bulgaria, and we will finally meet our boy on the 16th. We spend the 16-19th with him, before we wrap up our trip and come home to wait for the adoption to be finalized. We are finishing up the last bit of paperwork that will go to court with him after we are gone.

Please join us in praying for this unique experience we are all about to go through. For Dan and I that we can show all of our kids the right amount of love in the right ways at the right times. For our kids that they will see an instant connection in one another and form a bond that only brothers and sisters can share. That he will feel our desire for him to join our family and know how much we love him already. For his foster mom, that she will feel peace in this situation and see that we want the best for the boy she has been raising for us these past 4 years. For logistics: our trip, our time in country, struggling with the language we are trying to learn....

We are so humbled by the love you have all shared with us leading up to this moment. We truly do not feel alone in this, but lifted up by the many ways you have all partnered with us. Thank you all for supporting our adoption story. I can't wait until we can come back and share pictures and stories with you all! 

Referral = Done Deal! (Almost)

Proud Momma:

I'm not sure what I thought it would feel like when we got our referral. I'm not sure what I think now that we have it. Yep, that's right WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!!!!!

We just booked our flights to go meet our son! We leave November 10 and come back November 23. We'll be with our boy for a glorious 4 days in the middle of all that. We'll have a few days before we meet him to adjust to the time change and for us to focus on preparing ourselves and the kids.

Thank you to everyone who donated to our purecharity account! Your generosity provided us with $11,532!!! We were able to pay all of our Gladney adoption agency fees with it and a good portion of our fees for the agency in Bulgaria.

The garage sale and just people giving us cash paid for a lot of our home study fees, and a generous donor provided us with travel money to cover our first trip. We have been able to fill in the rest by the grace of God and his blessings on our finances. We also received a grant for $1250!

We only have about $4,000 left in fees for our agency in Bulgaria, our second trip to bring our son home, and then $1600 in social worker visits after we bring him home. I know that God will provide faithfully as He has so far!

It's been amazing to have all of your support, whether it's financial support, prayer, or kind words at just the right time. We could not have gotten to this point without you, and every bit helps! We are so excited to share these next steps with all of you. We have so many questions that are waiting for answers. We can't wait to get to know our son!

Proud Papa:

At each new milestone or event, this becomes more real. The length of time that this process takes is, in some sense, a blessing. It has given us time to gradually digest this life-altering pursuit. This is the most amazing news we've received, and if I'm being honest, it's also a bit terrifying. I look at our biological children and believe in our hearts that we've done a pretty decent job thus far, with a lot of help from family and friends. Still, nothing can truly prepare us for what's to come.

With this referral comes a certain level of certainty. It is certain that we have passed muster and have been granted the legal authority to adopt this boy, the rest is paperwork and his decision. The joy of that knowledge is too intense for my man-sized emotional range to express in a way that would do it justice. I'm bursting inside, but you probably wouldn't know it to look at me. Maybe I'm just tempted by the knowledge that, with that certainty, comes gobs and gobs of uncertainty. It's a paradox and it's real.

So now the hard and messy part(s) truly begin and I'm starting to think like his parent. Adoption isn't the answer to children without family or those in abhorrent conditions. A good home and a good family are the answers. Adoption is just the vehicle, that's all it's really meant for; child A to family B. Can we provide the good home and are we the good family he needs? We're encouraged that friends, family, and complete strangers in two different continents, countries, and states seem to think so. We're encouraged by how God has been, and continues to be, so obviously involved in this. His generosity and faithfulness, in every sense and meaning of those words, are indescribable, and we're all going to need more of it in the months and years to come.

In a few short weeks, we will meet him for the first time. He still may or may not be aware of our existence at this stage, but we have to trust that the people closest to him have his best interests in mind, and will prepare him in the right way and at the right time, however and whenever that is. For now, prayers are so graciously welcomed. For our travels, his response and reaction to this news, our meeting and our short time together.

All over but the waiting...

Wow! What a day!

We received our USCIS application approval yesterday and that got the ball rolling on a whole bunch of stuff. We rushed downtown today, got our FBI fingerprints done electronically and had the results within 20 minutes - approved! I mailed all our documents to Gladney today and now everything is done on our end to submit our dossier! It's an amazing sense of relief and joy to know this benchmark has been met.

Please join us in praying persistently for the dossier to be submitted and approved quickly. We can book our travel to go meet our son as soon as we get the approval! We are so excited for this!

We are going to run another t-shirt campaign, so if you didn't get yours the first go around, you can still get one soon: http://teespring.com/world-s-best-adoption-shirt

If you want to be a part of the story financially you can contribute to our donation site: https://purecharity.com/dorazioadoption for a tax break on your part. 

Fingerprinting... done!

We are really making progress now!

Yesterday I had my fingerprinting appointment for USCIS. This is the last big thing we need to accomplish before sending our dossier to Bulgaria! We are so excited that we are almost there! We have to wait for the fingerprints to be approved and then we have to get a few more things including that notarized and apostilled. This should all take another 2 weeks, then we can send the dossier! It's crazy!

I have no idea how long it takes to get a dossier approved, but once that happens we get our official referral. That is a document that says we can adopt our boy! Once we get that, we can book our trip to go see him! Lots of exclamation points, because we are getting so excited!

We just started school with the kids and are learning as much Bulgarian as we can until it's time to go. We are focusing our efforts on that now, since all our paperwork is pretty much finished. We just got a certificate from our adoption agency telling us that we are approved by them to adopt our boy!

Fundraising has gone well. We have paid all the fees on this end of things in the US, but still have to pay 8500 Euros to the agency in Bulgaria, our travel fees, and various things like his visa and medical appointments to get him home. Our tshirt fundraiser went well and some of you have asked if you can still get a tshirt. You can go to: http://teespring.com/world-s-best-adoption-shirt and reserve one, if 25 people do this, they will do another print of them. You won't be charged unless they end up reprinting.

If you already got your tshirt, but want to be a part of the adoption story, you can still donate to our Pure Charity account and get a tax deduction: https://purecharity.com/dorazioadoption . We have been doing well saving our money and are about halfway there on the rest of our fees. I think we are doing this all without going into debt and it's crazy!

You guys have all been so supportive and amazing through this whole process supporting us financially, through prayer and through your love. We've felt like we haven't been going through this alone. We are on the home stretch now, hopefully you will all get to meet our son soon!  

Garage Sale Gold!

We had the garage sale this past Friday and Saturday with amazing success. We raised an incredible $1800 and we still have a few big things left to be sold! There were so many people who donated items to us in the weeks leading up to the sale. The stuff filled our garage completely and even spilled over to our backyard. It was overwhelming, but every item brought us to our total, so in the end, definitely worth it!

We had great friends who donated their time sorting and pricing items in the week before the sale, which was awesome because I've learned that garage sales are not my thing! Then, Friday morning when we started pulling stuff out and setting up, we were surprised and overwhelmed by the people that showed up to help! All day Friday and Saturday we were surrounded by friends who weren't going to let us do this on our own.

We feel so blessed and so loved by this weekend. We are truly full to the brim!

We've been praying boldly about the financial aspect of the adoption. It's been something that hasn't made us feel stressed, but that we know needs to happen. We have received over $11,000 from donations on our Pure Charity website: https://purecharity.com/dorazioadoption Between that total and what Dan and I have put in, we have paid for everything we need to pay for to apply for the adoption! We still have 8,000 Euros to pay to the Bulgarian adoption agency, all our travel costs, and aftercare, but we are on our way!!! It's amazing!

Our t-shirt sales are also going well. Our goal is 100 shirts and we've sold 40 shirts already!! If you haven't gotten one yet, check it out: http://teespring.com/world-s-best-adoption-shirt  Here's a close up picture of the design:

Our home study has been approved by the state of Colorado and now our paperwork has been sent to USCIS. Please pray that it will be dealt with in a timely manner and approved quickly. The government of Bulgaria shuts down for the month of August, so we probably won't get the dossier submitted before then, but hopefully everything will be dealt with right in the beginning of September. We want to get our son home soon!

Thanks for all your prayers, support, and financial contributions. We are so in awe of the way you have all invested in our son and our family in your own ways. It's filled us with peace and joy that we can't begin to describe. 

World's Best Adoption Shirt!!! World's Best Garage Sale!!!

This shirt is amazing!

Impress your friends!!

Don't miss your chance to be the best!

http://teespring.com/world-s-best-adoption-shirt



This garage sale is the most amazing garage sale you've ever been to!

You will find all the items to make your dreams come true!

There is something for everyone at our incredible garage sale!!!

http://denver.craigslist.org/sys/5106455273.html

Home Study Visits are Finished!

Things are going really well, really smoothly! It's pretty incredible to have so much peace and comfort in a time that has been billed as stressful. I know we aren't all the way in it yet, and there might be stress coming, but so far we are doing great!

We had our last home study visit last Friday and it went really well. The social worker was very thorough asking questions, but we never felt like we couldn't just be ourselves. We have been forthcoming about everything and it seems to be all good stuff for her. We had the opportunity to describe each other, and therefore to listen to descriptions of each other from the people we love the most. It was precious and touching to hear the things Dan and the kids had to say about me and one another. I think we have grown even closer as a family going through this process!

The social worker has to write up her report, and then the serious paperwork begins. We have FBI fingerprinting and background checks, sending official documents to secretary of state to be authenticated, and many other annoying and boring paperwork based tasks to complete.

Our garage sale is coming up in a month and a half and we have a t-shirt sale fundraiser we are going to run. Other than that, just our donation site: https://purecharity.com/dorazioadoption is our only fundraiser. We are a third of the way toward our goal, which is incredible!!

At this point we are just waiting on everyone else involved in the process. Please pray that all the paperwork will be received quickly and smoothly without incident, and that the officials are able to get to our documents in a timely manner. The quicker our paperwork goes, the sooner we will have our son home!! Thank you so much everyone for your support!

Paperwork, Birthdays, and Home Study Visits

Things are going so smoothly so far. It's been great to get through paperwork without too much trouble. We were told that the thing that normally takes the longest would be the doctor's appointments, and those are already done and notarized!

April 28 was "Luke's" 13th birthday. It is amazing to feel so much love for a child that we don't even really know yet. We really wished all day that we could be there with him to make his day special. We are trying to trust that we will be able to share his 14th birthday with him and then all the rest of his birthdays too!

Some amazing friends have started to help us organize a giant garage sale. Save the date for July 9 - July 11 all you local friends and find some perfect new pieces for your house, or clothes for your wardrobe, baby stuff, motorcycle stuff, and that's just the beginning!! More details will come soon.

We are also 1/3 of the way to our goal on purecharity.com/dorazioadoption!

It's been incredible to see the generosity of the amazing people in our lives. People have been donating time and money, praying with us and for us, listening to our story, and being there to offer a kind word of encouragement. It's been humbling to see people offer pieces of themselves and partner with us in so many different ways. 

We had the first social worker visit for our homestudy over the weekend. It went great! We have our second one on Friday and the last one the week after that. Things are rolling along!

Thanks for praying with us and encouraging us!

Pure Charity https://purecharity.com/dorazioadoption

So many people have generously asked us if they could be a part of our adoption story through financial support. We wouldn't have felt right about accepting any money from anyone without giving you an opportunity to claim charitable giving on your taxes. That's where this site comes in. If you feel it on your heart, we would love for you to help add to our adoption fund along the way with us.

Anything you wish to share will be sent directly to our adoption agency, Gladney Center for Adoption to cover all the costs of our process, besides our travel to Bulgaria.

We will try to get some fun fundraisers going also, but for now, we are grateful for whatever might be on your heart to give. We humbly thank you for helping us on our way.

https://purecharity.com/dorazioadoption

Learning how to be a parent all over again

The 2 day training we had at Gladney Center for Adoption broke us and rebuilt us all over again. We learned so much! We thought we had a pretty good handle on parenting and that our kids were growing up to be well adjusted individuals. The training wasn't just a check mark on a long list, it was something I wish I had 13 years ago!

We learned about sensory issues, which was eye opening. It's amazing to understand just very slightly what some kids with sensory issues will go through. My head was throbbing after the lesson! A child with sensory issues can face challenges when dealing with things we think nothing of.

We learned how to nourish our child properly with food, play, and rest every two hours. Giving them the right combination of foods to eat to support brain growth and activity is super important! Giving them a break to play in a way that makes them sweat, and then allowing them to rest and recharge will give them the regulation they need.

We learned that kiddos need predictability and consistency to help them ease into different activities. How transitions can be tough, and how posting schedules and house rules can help them understand what to expect and what will happen. It's all about helping them feel safe.

Among all the other rich education, there was a section on attachment and parenting styles that wrecked us. We learned that we have been parenting our kids using avoidant/dissmissive and ambivalent/entangled styles. Figuring this out is the first step, but they also built us back up with tools to help us earn a secure/free attachment and parenting style.

We have been using these great tools with our kids now and I feel like we've seen a difference not only in them, but in ourselves. It helps direct us to the present with our kids and keeps us in a playfulness with them. When there's an issue that needs correction, we know how to address it in a way that helps them feel safe and loved, but also gets the point across.

I'm excited to continue to learn these tools, so that when "Luke" comes, we'll be able to help him grow into a secure young man. We just want to love him and help him feel safe!

We would recommend this Pathways training to everyone! Here's some books that they drew from in case you are interested in taking a look:

The Connected Child by Karyn B. Purvis
http://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428879895&sr=8-1&keywords=the+connected+child

Anatomy of the Soul by Curt Thompson
http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Soul-Connections-Neuroscience-Relationships/dp/141433415X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428879926&sr=8-1&keywords=anatomy+of+the+soul

Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Inside-10th-Anniversary-Self-Understanding/dp/039916510X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428879968&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+from+the+inside+out

The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz
http://www.amazon.com/Out---Sync-Child-Carol-Kranowitz/dp/0399531653/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428880014&sr=8-1&keywords=the+out+of+sync+child

So much to do!

We have started filling out the applications, forms, and gathering information. We have so much to do! It's incredibly overwhelming and I just want to get it all done now. I have to remember that this is a process and I have to slow down. It's not going to get "Luke" to us sooner if I rush, because we'll be waiting on other various organizations to process all this stuff.

I want to celebrate every step of this journey and hopefully learn more about myself through it. Just looking up all my old addresses of everywhere I've lived since I was 18 was almost fun. Thinking about how Dan and I fell in love and transitioned from home to home. How far we've come just in that way!

Please help me by praying that I can slow down and appreciate this walk through our past and use it to start this new future with "Luke" in it. That I can find value in the most menial of tasks going forward with this process.

Many of you have asked how you can donate to the adoption process and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your generous hearts! We will be heading to Fort Worth, TX this week for training and we are hoping to learn the best way to accept donations so it will be beneficial tax-wise for all of us. We will keep you posted on that as we learn more information. For now you can support us with your prayers and listening to us ramble about how much paperwork we have to fill out! 

An Amazing Journey Begins...

There is a beautiful and precocious young man, almost 13 years of age, who lives thousands of miles away in Eastern Europe. We've never met him, except on paper, but we already love him. I've been trying to think of a way to say that without it sounding insane. Maybe a metaphor or an analogy, a poem or song, perhaps something allegorical? I thought that if I just put some solid effort into it, I could accurately express and explain how and why we feel so strongly for this little guy. Truth be told, I've given up. For now, it's inexplicable, and if that means that we sound a little crazy (more than usual), then I'm okay with that. 

We've finally received word from the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice (MOJ) that they have officially matched us with "Luke". This is a huge step and a cause for celebration. The entire adoption process comes to a screeching halt, waiting for this news. Their decision took almost 5 weeks, which is about 4 1/2 weeks longer than it was supposed to take. I wish I could say I've been waiting patiently, but I can't. Despite that, we've managed to remain faithful, with the belief that whatever happens, it will be what's best for "Luke".

So now it really begins. We have just 6 short months to construct a dossier of our entire family. It will essentially document every aspect of our natural born lives. It will be tedious, frustrating, annoying, and so completely worth every tear and drop of sweat if it means that this little guy has a permanent family to call his own. Yes, even if he isn't part of our family, which is still a possibility. We can't know what lies ahead, for us or for him. But for now, we're taking it all in stride, with the hope that if we are fortunate enough to meet him, that he will decide, as we have, that we are his forever family.

Here is what I know. If reality in any way reflected our emotion, this boy would already be a member of our family. He would be living in our home, in his new room, playing and laughing with his siblings and throwing the ball for his new dog. That's obviously not possible, but it's just a fraction of all the hope we have for him. If only. 

Please pray for "Luke's" protection and comfort, that his life will be infinitely improved and enriched, no matter what happens with our adoption. Please pray for us, and him, that this highly bureaucratic and laborious process will go as smoothly as it can. Finally, please pray for provision. It is an expensive process and we have yet to strike gold, oil, or grow a proper money tree :). We remain confident and faithful that all will be provided for, and that this is merely one chapter at the beginning of an amazing story that we are truly blessed to be a part of.

Matched at last!

Yesterday we heard the great news that the Ministry of Justice in Bulgaria matched us with "Luke"! What incredible news! We still have a ways to go, but after waiting so long it feels like fresh air. We are able to share the great news of our adoption now and it's been wonderful to tell friends and family!

Chapter 7 - still waiting

We are still waiting to hear back from the Bulgarian Ministry of Justice about our match with "Luke". Last week, I checked in with our adoption agency and they said the MOJ received the paperwork and just needed some clarification on a few things. It's hard not to get nervous about that, but we are staying positive.

I spoke with our home study agency today and even though we are waiting to pay until we have the match, they are letting us get started on some stuff. It's encouraging to feel that they are on our side and helping us through this. We gave them non-family that will give us recommendations and they will send them out letters. The training required by the CO home study will be satisfied by our Gladney training and our Hague training, so more good news!

Chapter 6 - Language Learning

We are attempting to learn Bulgarian. We are starting small with greetings. Bulgaria uses the Cryllic alphabet, and we are not sure if we'll ever be able to read or write it, but we will try to learn to speak it using the phonetic words.

First, to say hello, you would say "zdrasti". If you were speaking to just one person you would say "zdravei". These are both informal. If you were speaking formally, you could use greetings depending on the time of day. Good morning = dobro utro. Good day = dobyr den. Good evening = dobyr vecher. We are mostly going to be learning the informal to speak with "Luke", but we may need some formal when we go to Bulgaria to meet him.

Zdravei, az se kaz vam Kate. Priyatno mi e da se zapoznaem. Hi, my name is Kate. It's nice to meet you. I can't wait to say these words to "Luke"!

When saying goodbye informally, you can say "do skoro", which means "see you later". You can also say ciao which is one of the words Bulgaria has adopted as their own. If you are speaking formally, "goodbye" is "dovijdane".

A little bit of Bulgarian at a time is easy for us so far. Hopefully we can retain and build our vocabulary of relevant words for being in Bulgaria and for speaking with "Luke". 

Chapter 5 - still waiting

We are still waiting to hear from the Ministry of Justice in Bulgaria if we are matched with "Luke" or not. We have decided to go with Nightlight Agency for our home study and have filled out the application and submitted it. We start the payments and the process after we hear about our match. It's tough to get the timing right on everything here. Once we find out we are a match, we have 6 months to get our home study, training, and dossier done and submitted for everything to be valid still. Plus we have to pay all of our fees and be ready to travel to Bulgaria to meet "Luke"!

It feel strange to be sitting around waiting for all this stuff to start. We have all the paperwork completed and ready to submit, but we can't go on any of it.

The craziest part is that "Luke" doesn't even know about us! He's just over there living his life and we already love him and think of him as our son. He won't know anything until we get the official referral from Bulgaria which won't be for another 4-6 months. When we meet him, after doing all the paperwork and preparations, he could decide he doesn't want to be with us. That is so scary and hard to think about.

Joe and Bella are as excited as ever about "Luke" joining our family. Hopefully we will hear soon about the match!

Chapter 4 March 1, 2015

The waiting is the hardest part.

There is so much to do and we can't do any of it yet.

We have to start our home study, but have questions about certain home study groups that we have to wait to have answered. There's a lot of hurry up and wait so far in the adoption process. We get a bunch of stuff to do, frantically finish, hand it in and wait... wait... wait...

Right now, we are waiting to hear back from the Bulgaria Ministry of Justice to see if they will match us with "Luke". If they give us the green light, we can start our home study. If they give us the green light, this blog goes live and fundraising begins! It's amazing the peace we all feel about this crazy ride we are on so far.

We have told some family members and close friends little by little what's going on. The support has been wonderful. Everyone wants to help us prayerfully, financially, or even by encouraging us in different ways. It's overwhelming.

We have training in a month in Fort Worth, which we are so excited about. It'll be great to have a lot of our questions answered and learn more about the process. 

Chapter 3 (2/24/15)

We have told our immediate family about "Luke" and our desire to adopt him. It has been overwhelming to see how supportive and encouraging everyone is! It's a blessing to have people in our corner who love us and will be "Luke's" family soon.

We have submitted the paperwork for the Ministry of Justice in Bulgaria. They will review it when then get it all and then hopefully they will match us with "Luke" on their end of things. We have spoken to the home study agency "A Child in Bloom" based here in Colorado. They have a long list of things we need to get started on.

Chapter 2 (2-10-2015)

It's been a whirlwind since we found out about "Luke". We had a phone interview with the adoption agency, Gladney last week Friday. On Monday this week, we found out that Gladney was going to go ahead and match us with him! It's so wonderful to have the support of the agency and such a quick response.

We have some paperwork to fill out and notarize and then turn in, then we will have 6 months from that time to complete all our paperwork. We are in it and there's no turning back.

When we found out we were matched with him on our end, Joe and Bella were excited and happy. I was so proud of the way they responded and that they are all in too. They want him here and it makes my heart sing!

Dan and I have asked about "Luke"'s process in all this. When does he find out about us? Does he want to be adopted? Will he be presented with a choice? We want him to choose us. We don't want to take him away from something that makes him happy. We want what's best for him. There are so many complicated thoughts about this, but I think we'll be reassured when we find out more about his end of things.

Chapter 1 (1-28-2015)

When I was younger, I didn't think adoption would ever be for me. I wanted to have children of my own, but I didn't particularly like other people's kids. I babysat for one family that I loved, but I never connected with other kids besides them.

Dan and I got married and pregnant a month later. It was so easy, we didn't even try. A year after our son was born, we were surprised with another pregnancy. We made the choice to not have any more kids after our daughter was born, so we took measures to make that choice permanent.

Dan had talked before about his dream to be a foster family and to one day adopt one or more kids. I didn't share that dream before, so we never spoke about it much. Then, we started working with middle schoolers at our church. I connected with so many of them instantly. It surprised me. I could understand the unfairness of their stage in life and relate to them as a friend, but also as an adult who cared about them. I started to see the possibility of Dan's dream coming true.

My sister had her first child, a son, a few years later. I fell in love instantly. I became a baby hog and it didn't just stop with him. I wanted to hold everyone's babies. All my friends would bring their kids over while they would spend time with me, and I would spend more time with their kids than them! I liked other kids and it came out of nowhere.

Unfortunately, I hit my head and ended up with a concussion that wouldn't heal. Thoughts of fostering and adopting went out the window. We focused on how to get me better and manage the life we had. I saw many different doctors, all with none to minimal progress. Every day I struggled with headaches, nausea, fatigue, balance issues, and some cognitive loss. The only marked improvement I had was after a surgery to replace a disk in my neck, and that was only about a 10% improvement.

We had visited Denver, CO for a friend's wedding and became close with the couple. They had their daughter a few years later and we visited again to meet her. We not only fell in love with her, but left Denver feeling like we were supposed to live there for some reason.

A few months later, we moved in with Dan's parents and began the 6 month home renovation that would be necessary for us to sell. We pulled our kids out of school and began homeschooling so that we wouldn't have to switch schools mid-year. We searched for houses online and found one that seemed nice and was in our price range, so we bought it. We completed the renovation, Dan found a job in Denver and we moved only a year after we decided to!

We settled into our new home a few weeks after moving to Denver and staying with our friends who so graciously put us up. The house was great, the neighborhood was perfect, and we were pretty happy right away. I found a new type of treatment to try that was only available in the area and began to work on my brain injury again. The neuropsychology treatments seemed to be giving me improvement, but they really were just helping me manage my concussion symptoms rather than fixing them.

After 6 months of treatments, I decided to search for something new. I typed “concussion” and “neurologist” into google and called the first place that came up. It was Integrated Health Systems, with Dr. Shane Steadman. It was described as Chiropractic Neurology or Functional Neurology. I hadn't heard about it before, but after 5 years of concussion symptoms I was ready to try something new. They use combination of nutrition, chiropractic adjustments, and brain based therapy exercises to rehabilitate areas of the brain that aren't functioning properly. After the first visit, I had more hope than ever before.

I started seeing them in July 2014 and by February 2015 I was 70% improved. I was told by Dr. Steadman that my outer cerebellum was rehabilitated and that I just had to work to fine tune my midline cerebellum and frontal lobe. I still had fatigue, but he thought it was related to my adrenal glands and not the brain injury. I'm still undergoing testing on that. I am now going once a month to check on my therapy exercises, get chiropractic adjustments, and maintain my progress.

The day before I got this great news, a sad day was spent with my now 12 year old son, Joe. We had been living in Denver for a year and a half and he missed being back home. He had trouble expressing the problem he was having, but we finally got out of him that he saw us all making great connections here and that he wasn't. He has a great friend back home, but has not made any real lasting friendships here. We talked about him trying some new activities and getting more involved and really just listened. He felt better and we prepared to work on helping him find good connections.

The day after my great news at the doctor, I met with my very good friend, Jen. She and her husband Matt had been looking at adopting again. They have one birth daughter and a second adopted daughter. She found this 12 year old boy from Bulgaria: “Luke” who needed a home. She didn't think he was right for their family, because of having younger daughters, but she couldn't get him out of her head. She shared this with me, and I encouraged her own feelings, thinking he wasn't right for her family. Dan and I had always said if we were going to foster, the child would have to be younger than our daughter, Bella.

Later that day, Jen sent me a picture of “Luke” and his bio, telling me that she still couldn't shake him. I forwarded the picture to Dan with one line “How about us?” Dan knew what it was about and didn't open the email. I spoke with Dan and the kids about him again at dinner that evening and showed the kids a picture of “Luke”. Joe leaned over and showed it to Dan, and that's when it started. Dan was done for after seeing his picture. On the way to church we signed up on the adoption site, registering so that we could inquire about him.

Church was filled with worship, and feelings I had never felt stirred inside me. This is my son! Why is he all the way in Bulgaria! He should be here with us tonight! I want him, I don't want anyone else to have him! I imagined how he would fit in to our lives and how we would all love him. On the way home from church it was decided verbally. We would move forward with trying to adopt “Luke”.

We filled out the application and heard back the next day. We are waiting now to see if he is still available. If he is, it will be a 1-2 year process that will be expensive and exhaustive, but at the end of it, we will bring our son home.